Sweet Release

This past month, while assisting my teacher on a healing yoga retreat in Mexico, I had a huge release. I decided to spend the day on my own and walk into town after breakfast… I took a different route, the one less traveled. I walked a dirt road through the jungle. It was a quiet road and as I walked I was with all sorts of emotions that had been brewing over the course of the previous few days. I thought a lot about my father & my brother, who are both no longer walking the earth with me… 

As I got closer to town more people were around and I started to come out of my head and into my heart a little more. I saw a man struggling with a milk crate and a shopping bag. He reminded me of my brother Leon (also my fathers name). He had tattoos and it instantly had me thinking of my brothers tattoos. I had a fear well up inside of me that I didn’t remember all his tattoos and maybe didn’t even remember exactly what he looked like (it’s been 11 years). I asked this man if he needed help with his bags. He said no. His body fumbled and said yes. I asked him again, I told him that I could help the balance of what he was carrying. He asked me where I was going. I told him wherever he was and then I’d be on my way. He accepted the help. I held the bag as he held onto the milk crate he was carrying now with more ease. We chatted. He asked me what I was doing in Mexico, I told him. His mom, he told me, taught yoga as well. We walked far. I looked closer at his tattoos. His forearm said “release”. I felt he reminded me of my brother more and more. He was searching for his place in this life- so was my brother, so was my father. We all are. When we got to  where he was staying, I put the bag down on the ground and he placed the crate on the ground. He stood up straight, gave me his hand and said “I’m Leon”. I released my breath and felt emotion rise up in my chest, said, “I’m Becky”, turned and began to walk away. Tears streamed down my face as he asked “are you okay?” I turned and told him that I was really good and thanked him. I also told him that Leon was the name of my father and my brother. 

It is amazing in this life where releases show up for me. I went to the park and wept for the loss of my family and for the connection to another… 



My Wish for 2015

2015

As the Ferris Wheel goes around, it stops to pick up and drop off passengers. Life is like that, our minds can be like that. I have been holding on to self judgment like an unwanted passenger.

I have been reflecting on how I allow myself to be affected by others expectations or demands of me or my time. I notice that this affect keeps me small on many levels. Having people close is what life is about, but sometimes the closeness brings more criticism & judgment… While friends & family want to help and be supportive, the best support is to just listen and not tell someone what they should or shouldn’t do (unless advice is what we are seeking).
This is something that, as a friend (wife, sister & daughter), I have been practicing over the past few years. While I believe I may know what is best for someone, I don’t. I can only truly know and do what is best for me. It has been a challenge for me to hold back when I feel I have the answer… Sometimes I don’t. Every time I tell someone what they should or shouldn’t be doing, I am shaming them . I am very familiar with this feeling, as I have been shamed much of my life.

I am making a decision to being more honest with myself and others when creating boundaries for myself… The clearer and more conscious I am, the brighter I (& we) can shine… I don’t want to be changed or fixed and I don’t want to change or fix anyone. My presence is enough (more than enough)…

My wish for 2015 is to be the year I allow myself to shine bright like the diamond that I am & enjoy the ride.

May you all be Happy, Healthy, Joyous & Free (and everything in between).