Living Without Roads

Living without Roads (or The Mysterious Journey of how I checked back in with myself when I lost my navigation system…)

I was recently in Bristol, Vermont for another layer of my Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy training. Going to Vermont in February wasn’t high on my list of drives to take. I love to travel- to see new places, experience new people and love a little more… But, I drive a go-cart (or so it feels).

A few days before I left on my 6-7 hour drive north we had a bit of a blizzard here on Long Island, New York (this is when my go-cart went from a “car” to “go-cart” status). The go-cart had to be shoveled out of 2 inches of snow! So, I decided to bring a shovel.

The drive to Bristol was truly scenic. Complete with rolling hills, snow pocked fields and snow peaked mountains. Working farms with dairy cows and old rusty tractors. Lake Champlain with it’s summer cottages “Closed For Season”, ice fishing shacks & perfect stillness.  I love this beautiful country! I arrived in Bristol with time to check out the sweet town, buy groceries, find my place and move in. The next 6 days I immersed myself in the work- not realizing the depths and the power until the end of each day, as I soaked in the bath & journalled. At the end of day 6, it was time to travel home… Yay! I wanted to connect to my life and introduce my new tools: I wanted to connect with my husband and snuggle with the dogs!

I tuned the satellite radio to Reggae…

The sky was beautifully blue and clear with little flurries that seemed like energy dancing. I decided to take the same route out of town that I came in- maybe I would even stop to take some photos. While I began to drive I turned on the plug-in navigation system (a little dated, takes a while to warm up and find it’s place in the universe) & clicked “navigate to HOME”. By the time Navi said “make a left”, I already felt that I was off the path that I traveled in on… But, Navi wouldn’t steer me wrong & who am I to question it?

The sweet flurries turned to snow. The go-cart slid a few times. “Make a Left”, said Navi, I did. Then, Navi showed me that in 16.9 miles I would make a right. On this winding down hill road my car spun and slid. My shoulders crept up to my ears. I reached for my phone to call my husband (he would calm and soothe me- making me feel better),  I had no service. I brought the steering wheel closer (or me closer to the steering wheel). I looked to Navi, to see how much longer, Navi’s screen said lost signal 3 minutes ago… My shoulders were earrings and I gripped the wheel and then the satellite radio dropped out! Where am I now?

I decided to pull out some of the tools I had acquired along the way… I asked myself What does it feel like to breathe? I checked in with my physical body. I slowly began to restore my breath, my shoulders… I asked myself how does this little journey relate to my life? What I realized was that I looked outside of myself for guidance and support and that it was inside ME the whole time. My navigation system is my heart, my gut, my intuition. Not my phone (or the person on the other end of it), my Navigator or my satellite radio. When did I lose my center?

So, I found, myself: on the road in a blizzard with all the guidance I will ever need. My sight came back and I could see how beautiful the snow, the trees, the mountain & the world really is. The reality is that my “roadblocks” are internally created out of fear. I have a choice: Feed my fears or feed my heart.

Navi broke the silence: “Make a right, then a left”. The music came back on, I turned it off. The snow turned to rain.

As far as my transition home: awesome! My classes have been so inspired by that road & my journey… About when we lose our navigation systems and how to check back in with self to find it.  It may not be something that happens at a training or on a retreat… It could, very well, be something that Is Happening Now…

I LOVE the work and the insight into me and the connections I am making along the way…

And, THAT is what’s happening now!