One of those days…

fern

Yesterday was one of those days. Simply perfect.

The sky was blue. The sun was shining. The air was clear. I spent the entire day put-sing around my yard. I had a deep desire to get into the earth, to clear the ground for new growth. I trimmed, pruned, raked & I knelt and pulled back leaves to free the ground for all the plants to breath in the fresh air and be kissed by the sun. I saw ferns beginning their journey to open… I felt as if I was unfurling. Life can be like that.

The dogs took in the sun. Mac lay on the dirt; Cora regally took center stage on the green grass, both sniffing in the smells… I played with them. I rubbed their soft bellies when they offered them up to the sky. I threw sticks and watched them chase each other. They had really playful moments, but mostly they just took it all in. The sun. The grass. The sticks. The smells. The earth. Dogs are amazing how insanely they take in the wild air… like they can’t get a deep enough breath.

I ate sweet potatoes and drank iced tea. I nested a bit inside and set an intention to get flowers for the kitchen table.

By late afternoon, I showered and changed to go teach the last yoga class in an 8 week series. I began to drive and take in all the blooms on the way. I had an overwhelming feeling wash over me… I found myself in awe of my life.

I get to do this… I get all of this. It is a magnificent world that I get to live in. When I open up my eyes and my heart to the wonder of it all, it truly is limitless. 

This has been one of those days‘, I thought to myself. One of those magically delicious in every way kind of days… and I was off to work. I get to call teaching yoga work! I get to invite people to be connected to earth, to be conscious, to see their shadows (to face them bravely). I get to inspire to lift others higher!

There was a time in my life when I knew my life wouldn’t be easy. That time is gone. I know my life will only be easy now- as long as I believe. You see, believing isn’t very hard to do. It takes courage. It takes heart. Most of all it takes showing up for yourself.

At the end of the class I received 2 gifts: a sweet bouquet of purple tulips & a handmade soap. When I got home, I read the cards that were attached to these gifts. They filled my heart even more… Tears were shed because my heart was so full.

The flowers sit on my kitchen table just where I intended them to be.

Yesterday was one of those days… It was perfect in every way.

Sweet Release

This past month, while assisting my teacher on a healing yoga retreat in Mexico, I had a huge release. I decided to spend the day on my own and walk into town after breakfast… I took a different route, the one less traveled. I walked a dirt road through the jungle. It was a quiet road and as I walked I was with all sorts of emotions that had been brewing over the course of the previous few days. I thought a lot about my father & my brother, who are both no longer walking the earth with me… 

As I got closer to town more people were around and I started to come out of my head and into my heart a little more. I saw a man struggling with a milk crate and a shopping bag. He reminded me of my brother Leon (also my fathers name). He had tattoos and it instantly had me thinking of my brothers tattoos. I had a fear well up inside of me that I didn’t remember all his tattoos and maybe didn’t even remember exactly what he looked like (it’s been 11 years). I asked this man if he needed help with his bags. He said no. His body fumbled and said yes. I asked him again, I told him that I could help the balance of what he was carrying. He asked me where I was going. I told him wherever he was and then I’d be on my way. He accepted the help. I held the bag as he held onto the milk crate he was carrying now with more ease. We chatted. He asked me what I was doing in Mexico, I told him. His mom, he told me, taught yoga as well. We walked far. I looked closer at his tattoos. His forearm said “release”. I felt he reminded me of my brother more and more. He was searching for his place in this life- so was my brother, so was my father. We all are. When we got to  where he was staying, I put the bag down on the ground and he placed the crate on the ground. He stood up straight, gave me his hand and said “I’m Leon”. I released my breath and felt emotion rise up in my chest, said, “I’m Becky”, turned and began to walk away. Tears streamed down my face as he asked “are you okay?” I turned and told him that I was really good and thanked him. I also told him that Leon was the name of my father and my brother. 

It is amazing in this life where releases show up for me. I went to the park and wept for the loss of my family and for the connection to another… 



My Wish for 2015

2015

As the Ferris Wheel goes around, it stops to pick up and drop off passengers. Life is like that, our minds can be like that. I have been holding on to self judgment like an unwanted passenger.

I have been reflecting on how I allow myself to be affected by others expectations or demands of me or my time. I notice that this affect keeps me small on many levels. Having people close is what life is about, but sometimes the closeness brings more criticism & judgment… While friends & family want to help and be supportive, the best support is to just listen and not tell someone what they should or shouldn’t do (unless advice is what we are seeking).
This is something that, as a friend (wife, sister & daughter), I have been practicing over the past few years. While I believe I may know what is best for someone, I don’t. I can only truly know and do what is best for me. It has been a challenge for me to hold back when I feel I have the answer… Sometimes I don’t. Every time I tell someone what they should or shouldn’t be doing, I am shaming them . I am very familiar with this feeling, as I have been shamed much of my life.

I am making a decision to being more honest with myself and others when creating boundaries for myself… The clearer and more conscious I am, the brighter I (& we) can shine… I don’t want to be changed or fixed and I don’t want to change or fix anyone. My presence is enough (more than enough)…

My wish for 2015 is to be the year I allow myself to shine bright like the diamond that I am & enjoy the ride.

May you all be Happy, Healthy, Joyous & Free (and everything in between).

On Writing

Thoughts happen.Words can be easy to come by. I find the right words are a little more difficult to come by. Most recently, I am finding that the write words aren’t even there. Spring is here, but my voice is choosing to stay inside for a little bit longer (Lots of ideas spinning around in there).

I wonder when they will peak out to welcome the sun. Maybe I will stand on my head and let them fall out…Image

Living Without Roads

Living without Roads (or The Mysterious Journey of how I checked back in with myself when I lost my navigation system…)

I was recently in Bristol, Vermont for another layer of my Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy training. Going to Vermont in February wasn’t high on my list of drives to take. I love to travel- to see new places, experience new people and love a little more… But, I drive a go-cart (or so it feels).

A few days before I left on my 6-7 hour drive north we had a bit of a blizzard here on Long Island, New York (this is when my go-cart went from a “car” to “go-cart” status). The go-cart had to be shoveled out of 2 inches of snow! So, I decided to bring a shovel.

The drive to Bristol was truly scenic. Complete with rolling hills, snow pocked fields and snow peaked mountains. Working farms with dairy cows and old rusty tractors. Lake Champlain with it’s summer cottages “Closed For Season”, ice fishing shacks & perfect stillness.  I love this beautiful country! I arrived in Bristol with time to check out the sweet town, buy groceries, find my place and move in. The next 6 days I immersed myself in the work- not realizing the depths and the power until the end of each day, as I soaked in the bath & journalled. At the end of day 6, it was time to travel home… Yay! I wanted to connect to my life and introduce my new tools: I wanted to connect with my husband and snuggle with the dogs!

I tuned the satellite radio to Reggae…

The sky was beautifully blue and clear with little flurries that seemed like energy dancing. I decided to take the same route out of town that I came in- maybe I would even stop to take some photos. While I began to drive I turned on the plug-in navigation system (a little dated, takes a while to warm up and find it’s place in the universe) & clicked “navigate to HOME”. By the time Navi said “make a left”, I already felt that I was off the path that I traveled in on… But, Navi wouldn’t steer me wrong & who am I to question it?

The sweet flurries turned to snow. The go-cart slid a few times. “Make a Left”, said Navi, I did. Then, Navi showed me that in 16.9 miles I would make a right. On this winding down hill road my car spun and slid. My shoulders crept up to my ears. I reached for my phone to call my husband (he would calm and soothe me- making me feel better),  I had no service. I brought the steering wheel closer (or me closer to the steering wheel). I looked to Navi, to see how much longer, Navi’s screen said lost signal 3 minutes ago… My shoulders were earrings and I gripped the wheel and then the satellite radio dropped out! Where am I now?

I decided to pull out some of the tools I had acquired along the way… I asked myself What does it feel like to breathe? I checked in with my physical body. I slowly began to restore my breath, my shoulders… I asked myself how does this little journey relate to my life? What I realized was that I looked outside of myself for guidance and support and that it was inside ME the whole time. My navigation system is my heart, my gut, my intuition. Not my phone (or the person on the other end of it), my Navigator or my satellite radio. When did I lose my center?

So, I found, myself: on the road in a blizzard with all the guidance I will ever need. My sight came back and I could see how beautiful the snow, the trees, the mountain & the world really is. The reality is that my “roadblocks” are internally created out of fear. I have a choice: Feed my fears or feed my heart.

Navi broke the silence: “Make a right, then a left”. The music came back on, I turned it off. The snow turned to rain.

As far as my transition home: awesome! My classes have been so inspired by that road & my journey… About when we lose our navigation systems and how to check back in with self to find it.  It may not be something that happens at a training or on a retreat… It could, very well, be something that Is Happening Now…

I LOVE the work and the insight into me and the connections I am making along the way…

And, THAT is what’s happening now!